By BOB PALMER
I know that it is not supposed to do any good, but sometimes you have to get a few things off your chest.
We’re not talking about anything serious, just those little aggravations that twang you occasionally like a tender tooth.
Here’s the rules. Gripe all you want, but don’t let it get too personal. This wasn’t meant to be one of those communication exercises with your spouse.
These are my top 10 gripes of the day:
- New shaving cream cans. You always get twice as much as you need when you push the button.
- Old shaving cream cans. It takes forever to get what you need.
- People who throw candy wrappers or beer cans on golf courses or lakes.
- PBS, when they pre-empt my Mystery fix with one of their pledge drives.
- The Texas Rangers pitching staff. Do I have to explain?
- Shampoo bottles. They look too much like conditioner bottles, particularly in hotels. Since I don’t wear my glasses while taking a shower, I end up with conditioner on my head about half the time. Until recently, the only bottle in my shower that I know for certain contains shampoo has a picture of Lassie on it.
- People who throw disposable diapers on the side of the road or in parking lots. Do you think we could train them like a new puppy? Rub their noses in it and pitch them out in the rain.
- Multi-flavored teas and coffee. If God had wanted a cup of almond flavored coffee, he would have let the two trees mate.
- Not being able to find everything Emeril or Rachel used in a Food Network recipe on a supermarket shelf in this town.
- Someone else running the television’s remote control.
What’s bugging you? Send me a few of your gripes and we might repeat this exercise in a few weeks. I’ll even get you started with your first one.
- Columnists who don’t have anything better to write about than ….
And as a bonus at no extra cost:
JOKE DE JOUR: The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job.
“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?”
“11” he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right. What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”
“Today and tomorrow.”
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
“Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”
“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”
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