HEARD ABOUT TOWN By Vic Parker

Why hasn’t someone come up with a creme brulee cookie? Think about it. Maybe it’s that nice char on top, but that should be doable.
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Sent to me by Larry Lattimore in Ore City … Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their 10-year-old little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be president someday. Both of her parents, Democrat Party members, were standing there so I asked her,”  If you were president what would be the first thing you would do?”  She replied, “I’d give food to all the homeless people.” Her parents beamed with pride. “Wow…what a worthy goal.” I said, “but you don’t have to wait until you’re president to do that.” “What do you mean?” she asked. So I told her, “You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use to buy food.” She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?” I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.” Her parents aren’t speaking to me anymore.
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Some golf verities … There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove. Hazards attract. Fairways repel. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is the one on the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is the one in the footprint. Never buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
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It’s hard to be a good (fill in the blank)- walks-into-a-bar jokes…

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